Get Them Bugs Outta My Face!!
Well I had a most disturbing trip to a spa last week. First, because it was a spa and I'm a guy. Second because of what nastiness happened.
Anyone who knows me knows I don't believe in the hype about the Chinese rising tiger economic bandwagon that everyone's jumping on. Haiqi, my ex-girlfriend who was a banker, cleared me about that in her explanations about what business is trying to do, and what the government is trying to do, and why the two will never meet. So when all this 'Made In China' hububble came about I just grinned and gave a little arm-tug 'yeah'. Also I'm pretty pissed at the Chinese for a lot of the silly notions that come out of Chinese medicine, like rhinoceros horns curing erectile dysfunction and so they're shooting up all the rhinoceroses to extinction, and so on. Every day on a Chinese website unearths more atrocities done by their own people, on their own people out of sheer stupidity. (Check out the lady who swallowed 26 needles in her life because her parents wanted a boy and heard that swallowing a needle would help her to produce a penis. Anyway..)
So I was surprised to see something recent and modern that Chinese medicine produced that was not utterly retarded, and was actually, um, innovative.
Blackheads. As I was getting my one and only facial done (at my wife's suggestion) I noticed the attendant reached for a small metal hollow spoon with a lance in the middle of it. Freakin' painful, she bore into one of my nose pores and pulled out a tiny little alien. I freaked of course, and she put it on the microscope and then magnified it on the big screen tv. I could not freakin' believe my eyes.
For the love of Christ, do you know what a blackhead is? When you're looking at a blackhead on your face, you're looking at the very back end of a long poopy trail left by a little eight-legged microscopic bug that's decided to move into one of your pores and has started eating your skin cells for nourishment, only to poop them back out later as it burrows deeper into your face. She pulled out not one, but two!! Two, I say!
Needless to say, I lay on the flowery stretcher-bed mortified as I stared at the big-screen tv and watched these little black creatures' legs (with padded round Mickey Mouse-like white feet) writhing about under the hot microscope light, still stuck to (and hanging on) the front end of the nasty long poop pipeline that came from their ginormous asses while they were busy feasting on you! That's what a blackhead is and how it is made!!
Waughh!!
And who discovered these little bugs and how to remove them?
A Chinese doctor.
Well I'll be damned. I guess I'll have to shut my mouth now.
Well I had a most disturbing trip to a spa last week. First, because it was a spa and I'm a guy. Second because of what nastiness happened.
Anyone who knows me knows I don't believe in the hype about the Chinese rising tiger economic bandwagon that everyone's jumping on. Haiqi, my ex-girlfriend who was a banker, cleared me about that in her explanations about what business is trying to do, and what the government is trying to do, and why the two will never meet. So when all this 'Made In China' hububble came about I just grinned and gave a little arm-tug 'yeah'. Also I'm pretty pissed at the Chinese for a lot of the silly notions that come out of Chinese medicine, like rhinoceros horns curing erectile dysfunction and so they're shooting up all the rhinoceroses to extinction, and so on. Every day on a Chinese website unearths more atrocities done by their own people, on their own people out of sheer stupidity. (Check out the lady who swallowed 26 needles in her life because her parents wanted a boy and heard that swallowing a needle would help her to produce a penis. Anyway..)
So I was surprised to see something recent and modern that Chinese medicine produced that was not utterly retarded, and was actually, um, innovative.
Blackheads. As I was getting my one and only facial done (at my wife's suggestion) I noticed the attendant reached for a small metal hollow spoon with a lance in the middle of it. Freakin' painful, she bore into one of my nose pores and pulled out a tiny little alien. I freaked of course, and she put it on the microscope and then magnified it on the big screen tv. I could not freakin' believe my eyes.
For the love of Christ, do you know what a blackhead is? When you're looking at a blackhead on your face, you're looking at the very back end of a long poopy trail left by a little eight-legged microscopic bug that's decided to move into one of your pores and has started eating your skin cells for nourishment, only to poop them back out later as it burrows deeper into your face. She pulled out not one, but two!! Two, I say!
Needless to say, I lay on the flowery stretcher-bed mortified as I stared at the big-screen tv and watched these little black creatures' legs (with padded round Mickey Mouse-like white feet) writhing about under the hot microscope light, still stuck to (and hanging on) the front end of the nasty long poop pipeline that came from their ginormous asses while they were busy feasting on you! That's what a blackhead is and how it is made!!
Waughh!!
And who discovered these little bugs and how to remove them?
A Chinese doctor.
Well I'll be damned. I guess I'll have to shut my mouth now.
posted by Emanuel | 3:52 PM
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